Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Moving is Hard

No, we aren’t moving again. At least not right now. And if we do move again, it won’t be far. Not for a few more years.

I’m thinking about all the moving I’ve done in the past. It’s tough. Packing and unpacking, searching for a new place to live, spending money on rental trucks and security deposits. The biggest casualty for me, though, is that I don’t ever get the opportunity to make friends. Since we’ve been married, we have moved out of state, to a new place we had never been before, every single year. Consequently, I am lucky enough to know a lot of wonderful people all over the country. People who I know genuinely care about me and are interested in how my family is doing. And I have had the opportunity to meet some really amazing women here in Oregon as well. But I’m freaking out a little bit because usually this time of year I start thinking, “looks like we’re going far away in a few months. Time to start pulling back so I don’t feel too sad when I leave all these great people.” I kind of feel like I missed my opportunity to make friends here, because usually I only have a few months to make it count.

Don’t get me wrong, I have some great friends. But having girlfriends, right where you live, and being able to make connections with them that take time, that’s something every woman needs.

So, sorry for moping. I hope I haven’t made any of you sweet, sweet women feel like I don’t consider you a friend. You have all done so much for me. Thank you! I just needed someone (or the entire internet) to “talk” to about how I’m feeling. Can you tell it’s been a while since I’ve interacted with other adults?

9 comments:

Sarah said...

I totally get it. Well, not totally, because you have moved a lot more than me. When we first moved here, I was totally miserable because I didn't know anyone. It really is important to have girlfriends that you can go to the movies or out to lunch with. Long distance friends are great... but everyone needs someone RIGHT THERE, too!

I hope you find some new friends in your current ward!!

Fox and Amy said...

I understand, too. We have moved 11 times in 7 years! I think that's what's kind of great about motherhood, though--wherever you go, you can usually find other moms to bond with over what you're going through...and hopefully you get to stay in contact with them somehow! I'm glad you won't have to move for another few years!

AlixSteele said...

I'm kinda feeling this way too lately. We always move somewhere around here, so I have a couple friends and always have family, but I never seem to make lasting friendships at church. I know it's my own fault, but here I am thinking, "Our lease is up in 4 months, why bother anymore?"

Matt and Christy said...

I know how you are feeling. Sorry that you feel lonely. I often feel the same way~ I always feel like people don't care about me when I care about them, so I am often guarded, as well. Are your in- laws gone? 'Cause I could use some company, too. Seriously~ give me a call.

The Hojnackes said...

I totally feel you. I was telling Jeff how I want to go back to Oregon because I don't have any friends here. He asked about a few people I have met. I told him it isn't the same. I just want a girlfriend or two who really know me. One day...
Hang in there, Heather!

Julie W said...

Heather, How hard! I remember the days of just you and the baby, and nothing else. It changes, once you have people who have to be your friends like class room moms and soccer team parents. It does get better once nathan has friends, because their mom usually becomes a friend to you.

I have had the opposite experience as you, and have found that evan living 5 years in the same place, I only made 1 true friend who needed me like I needed her. My experience has been that friends come in to our lives for a season. Your lives match for a little while, and you have the same needs. Then things change, like babies, or school, or you just don't need each other any more. I see those friendships as wonderful, because they got you through the ammount of time you needed them.

I have not had a best friend for longer than 1 year since high school because of the changes life gives you. But every friendship served a purpose and is just as sweet as all the others.

Good luck! Go out there and find someone just as lonely as you....hehehe, You are fabulous. We miss you, book club was not the same with out you last night.

Kristin said...

Moving is hard, and when you're not in the same place for very long, it's really hard to form true friendships.

Even more so when you're at home with a little one.

Come on over this week. I'll home from 9 until 3 every day. Getting out of the house always makes me feel better, so come on over, we can hang out or work on projects or whatever. :)

Beck said...

We have the opposite problem...And while it's nice to not have to move, it's hard to watch everyone else around you move on and up in their lives. We've made some great friends here, but it's hard watching them move on, just like I'm sure it's hard for all of your friends to watch you move away. Think of it this way...You're not leaving friends behind or losing them, you're gaining great new ones that you can connect with everywhere. :)

Dormanetal said...

You are soo right about friendship takes time!! I just moved into a new ward...even though its 5 minutes from old house but I have to make new friends again....Its hard no matter how old you are!!